


I'm a tiny heart that's falling fast

by mostlikelydefinentlymad



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: First Kiss, Gay Raphael Santiago, M/M, Pansexual Simon Lewis, SO MUCH FLUFF, Simon Lewis Lives at Hotel Dumort, gray ace raphael, incriminating search results, simon vs google, this was written via mobile so please pardon any bad formatting, wikihow is not always helpful Simon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-13
Updated: 2017-04-13
Packaged: 2018-10-18 06:43:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10611384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mostlikelydefinentlymad/pseuds/mostlikelydefinentlymad
Summary: Before Camille and DuMort, Simon's search history usually brought up games, cheat codes, guitar chords.And after, it evolves into:"Does pansexuality include crushing on vampires?" and "How to kiss a vampire."It's quite revealing.





	

 

* * *

Prior to Camille sinking her corroded fangs in Simon's veins, his online life was relatively normal.

He lurked on many gaming forums for cheat codes and tips, frequented (stalked) YouTube for views on Rock Solid Panda's account, searched for new chords to try on his guitar. 

Throw in the occasional  _How to fall out of love with your best friend_ and  _Can childhood friends date each other?_

Again, normal. 

Now that he's an official lifelong member of the things that go bump in the night?

Well, it's certainly more colorful. For one, living at DuMort makes him more cultured in the arts. Last Wednesday, while wandering the halls after training, he stopped and searched:

_Painting of man getting throat slit_

_Baroque period paintings_

Raphael freed him from the wormhole that is Wikipedia by casually informing him (before he could fall prey to it's alluring wealth of information) that the subject was Holofernes being beheaded by Judith. 

He'd rattled off a few facts about the artist and history behind it, but Simon was too distracted by the way he tilted his head when he was feeling passionate, the dip of his upper lip.

He's learning, sorta. His mother would approve. 

* * *

 

Lately, when DuMort is at rest, he searches more intimate matters in his room.

For example:

 _Does pansexuality include vampire crushes?_  

_Can vampires bite each other?_

_Definition of fledgling_

_What does it mean when someone touches you a lot?_

_Vampire touching_

_Is it possible to go through puberty twice?_

_How to know if a guy is gay_

_Can vampires be gay?_

Not within the realm of a mundane standard of normalcy. Most eighteen year old boys would be searching porn or what have you, not that he hasn't (lightning quick) Google'd  _vampire porn with fangs_ once or twice, but that's not the point. 

He, Simon Lewis, struck down at the awkward age of 18, is a very curious and (G-d help him, sexually frustrated) person in general. 

Living with a smoking hot clan leader who either looks at him like he's tonight's dinner or the night's first and only vampire to be an undead homicide victim since he took over, isn't easy.

Google's results unhelpfully recommend:

_1\. How to Play Hard to Get and Net the Boy of Your Dreams [$4.99, Kindle format]_

_2\. 25 Tips on How to Wine and Dine Him_

_3\. Take this bread quiz and we'll tell you if you've already met your soulmate_

Nope. 

Eventually he crowns Google the winner of this and many rounds, and gives up. 

 Until he doesn't. 

* * *

 

Clary called just as the sun set, frantic and all but demanding his help.

Worried, he hastily slips on a jacket, tells Stan to let Raphael know he'll be at the institute, ignoring his clenched teeth at that, and runs.  

He's been roaming around the building, for over an hour as Clary consults Izzy, when the boredom gets to be too much. Clary's emergency was her needing vampiric knowledge about an issue he's never even heard of. 

He instinctively pats his pockets, expecting to find his phone, only to come up empty.

His first thought is,  _Raphael is going to kill me._

With the second being even worse.

Groaning, he recalls what he'd been doing before Clary summoned him. A harmless search, really: 

_WikiHow: How to kiss a vampire (with pictures)_

Shit.

Where did he leave it? Think, think, think.

_Shit._

Of course he'd left it wide open and fully charged in the lobby. Of course. He's Simon freakin' Louis who can't get anything right. There's no lie that could possibly cover those telling inquiries, he's doomed. 

Racing past shadowhunters in a blur, he locates Clary. She and Izzy don't seem to be concerned at all about the damn information that's supposed to be vital.

His anger somewhat fizzles when he picks up on them discussing actual business...and holding hands.

He'll come back to that later. Nonetheless he quickly hugs his best friend, mumbling out an excuse to flee. 

"S-Something came up. Raphael stuff, I mean, the clan too. Not just him, um, I gotta go but if you need me, text." 

He cringes momentarily at the thought of the incriminating phone. 

He's gone before Clary can utter a single word.

* * *

 

The door makes a loud banging noise as he flings it open, racing inside. He bypasses curious stares and hits the stairwell until he reaches the room they do most of their business in.

The most secure room for the most insecure and reckless vampire to have ever graced the Earth. 

"Thought we agreed you'd keep this on you when you were away from home," says a smooth voice from behind him.

Simon jumps, hand to his heart out of habit.

"Do you _have_ to do that?" He questions, much too moodily. 

Raphael holds out the neglected phone, calm as can be. The screen is black, having went into sleep mode after ten minutes, but that means nothing. Anyone could've swiped the screen to see which of them left a phone behind, and witnessed his shame. 

Raphael included. 

"If you'd work on your training," Raphael begins, leading into a snarky meets flirty banter. 

He's incredibly confusing. 

"Yeah, I get it. I'd know that you were behind me," Simon retorts, having heard this often. He snatches the phone from the elder vampires hand and quickly slides it in his back pocket. 

Raphael is wearing his usual  _I live to turn you on and walk away strutting_ smirk and Simon wonders if that means he saw the sorry excuse of an article.

It wasn't even helpful, real fangs cannot physically be removed when kissing around them is too difficult. 

"Hey, uh, I was researching is all. It's- it's not that I'm legit wondering what it's like t-to kiss a vampire. Us, I mean. Not you, nnot that you'd kiss bad or anything, you're probably really good at it and this is how it ends, isn't it?" 

Raphael's face is a blank, Simon can't get a read on it at all. 

"Just kill me, get it done and over with already but don't, like, make me unrecognizable 'cause my mom - she's sentimental and-" 

A slow smile spreads across the elder vampires face. 

Offended, Simon plants his hands on his hips, rearing for an argument. 

"Really? You could at least not look so happy about it." 

Raphael takes a few steps forward. "I would never spy on you, Simon," he states.

Simon feels nauseous and greatly regrets the three bags of blood he'd had prior to leaving. He chuckles nervously, backing away.

"That's, um, that's nice? I guess? Now that I have this," he pats the wrong pocket, "I can get back to the institute. Really important vampire stuff-" 

Raphael moves forward, causing Simon to backup until his back hits a wall.

The elder vampire stops at barely an arms length away, a folded arm perhaps. " _Dios_ , would you stay already?"  

Simon swallows hard, brows knitted together in a mixture of confusion and fear. 

Raphael stares, mirroring the fledgling's expression. "Is it Dolores that has you bothered?" 

Simon gapes, shaking his head.

Raphael almost looks frustrated though he can't imagine why. It's only a How To, he's only a fledgling turned clueless adviser. Raphael is likely concerned that a potential romance would interfere with training, he's not too far off the mark. 

"Tomás?" 

Again, Simon shakes his head. 

Raphael's dark eyes glitter under DuMort's low lights. He splays a hand on Simon's chest, maintaining eye contact. In the blink of an eye, his expression falters, as though he'd had a realization. 

 

His trademark flirty smirk returns, making Simon nearly bite his lip in want, need. It's beyond lust, Simon is beyond the crush phase. 

He's falling in love. Hard and fast.

 

Raphael tilts his head to the side, almost shyly, regarding Simon from long lashes. "I could show you." It's not an offer, it's an outright promise.

 It takes a long second or two for Simon to grasp what he knows he must've misheard. When he does, he can't shake the tiny elated smile from his lips. 

Raphael closes the gap between them, thumb coming up to brush against Simon's bottom lip. His eyes follow the movement, avoiding Simon's for once.

"I always hoped," he murmurs. 

Simon's eyes flutter closed, he clenches his hands into fists at his sides to resist touching, taking. Raphael is teasing him, that's it. 

Even so, he feels a cool hand unfurl a fist and fingers flatten against his own. _Raphael is holding his hand._

Because he wants to.

Because he's choosing to. 

 _Oh_.

The younger vampire shivers, not knowing what to do with the revealing knowledge. This is real, this is not a dream.

Raphael's lips replace curious fingers, they brush against Simon's cheek, hesitant and light. The scent of him fills Simon up inside, the solid weight of his body and he's right _there_ for the taking. 

The elder vampire feels it too, the pull that has lingered since that first fateful day. 

 

Before Raphael can move away, Simon turns his head to the side, gently, softly pressing his lips to Raphael's. He slides a hand up his neck to cup his cheek, noting the arms that curl around his waist, urging Simon to _stay_. 

It's the lightest, most tender kiss with so much love poured into every touch. Simon pulls back just enough to smile, dopey like and madly in love, before nipping at Raphael's bottom lip. 

Raphael returns the smile, kissing it against Simon's.

They sober after a second or two as Raphael urges it wider, licking a path along the seam of Simon's lips. 

When his tongue caresses Simon's, he outright moans and slides a hand under his shirt, palm against a bare lower back. In turn, Simon grips his hips, pressing their bodies together. 

 

They kiss lazily, taking their time, until Raphael reluctantly breaks it. 

 

"How's that for research?" He says, grinning proudly, forehead against the other's. 

Simon shrugs, intertwining their hands. "Eh. Needs more data, instructions were unclear. I vote for trying again until we get it right." 

Raphael chuckles. 

"I can't believe you actually looked that up." 

"Yeah like I could just _ask_ you how or _if_ I should kiss you," Simon scoffs playfully. 

"Well," says Raphael, "Now you know. You should do it again though. I'm not convinced." 

Simon grins, bright as sunshine, and kisses the love of his life, the one he never saw coming.

* * *

 

From that point on, he no longer needs to hunt for answers. He merely has to roll over in bed and press his lips to the nape of Raphael's neck, his collarbones. 

As it turns out, vampires can bite one another and it feels euphoric. 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> (another chapter of "kiss of light (and all my mirrors are windows" will hopefully be up tomorrow providing life etc doesn't get in the way)
> 
> I have so many drafts lol so I publish them here and there, leave me a nice comment or kudo please if you liked my awkward son figuring this romance/feelings thing out <3 
> 
> also I'm on tumblr (100% saphael) as:  
> woodenhallslikecaskets.tumblr.com


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